


EOME: Casualty and Confession

by TricorderReadings



Series: Enemy of my Enemy [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 21:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30145746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TricorderReadings/pseuds/TricorderReadings
Summary: Chakotay is injured in Engineering when Janeway refuses to share personnel.
Series: Enemy of my Enemy [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2216073
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	EOME: Casualty and Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Story written in October 1997

"What's going on?" asked Dalby, over Chakotay's shoulder while the Maquis leader was monitoring communications between Voyager and the alien vessel. 

"Shut up," Chakotay muttered, not unkindly but firmly. He was trying to make heads or tails of the odd speech patterns of the Klee. Janeway didn't look like she was making much progress at convincing them that the two Alpha Quadrant ships were basically harmless and just passing through. 

"Chakotay, they've got their weapons online now," Torres informed him, as she finally cut through the interference that had blocked their earlier scan. Chakotay nodded. 

"Does Voyager know this?" he wondered aloud. No one, surprisingly, had an opinion on this. 

Chakotay watched the captain's diplomatic attempts for another few minutes. Things were getting tense. 

"B'Elanna, send a message to that young guy at Ops, what's his name?"

"Harry Kim," she told him.   


"Yeah, Harry. Send Harry the scan you just got, just on the off chance that Voyager didn't pick it up.  And raise our shields because I think they're about to fire." 

Torres nodded, wondering, and not for the first time, how it was that Chakotay could remain so calm in the middle of a crisis. She always felt like hitting something....or someone. 

The decision to raise the shields proved to be a fortuitous one as a split second later the Klee vessel  _did_ fire its weapons on Fides. 

"Evasive maneuvers!" called Chakotay to Dalby, who was at the helm. Dalby rolled Fides in a neat move that took them very close to the low slung nacelles of the Federation ship. "Try not to make Voyager a  _target_ , will you Dalby?!" Chakotay shot at him sarcastically. He rubbed his temple briefly imagining the scene in the ready room while he tried explaining to Kathryn Janeway how one of her nacelles was destroyed in a firefight. It was not a happy thought. 

It only took one decisive blast of Voyager's phasers to deter the Klee from continuing the fight. They fled. Chakotay slumped into his seat and tapped the computer to hail Voyager's bridge. The monitor sprung to life with the image of a very unhappy Janeway. 

"What the HELL was that all about Commander?!" she blasted, before he could say anything. 

Momentarily thrown by her attack Chakotay did not respond. She glared at him. Around him, his own bridge crew seemed to pause, as if waiting to see whether or not their leader was going to accept that treatment from the Starfleet Captain. 

"I'm sorry," Chakotay started, in what he hoped was a calm voice, "but I'm not following you. We were only defending ourselves!" He hated to be on the defensive with her. 

"You raised your shields!" Janeway informed him accusingly. 

"They were about to fire at us!" protested Chakotay, wishing that they were not having this disagreement in such a public venue. 

"Our guide, Neelix, told us that the Klee take defensive moves as signs of aggression," Janeway said coldly. "By raising your shields you were as good as firing on them." 

Chakotay was silent for a moment. He felt he'd never been so close to breaking off the alliance with the Federation ship. Damn! Did that woman go out of her way to annoy him?! 

"Don't you think that kind of information is something that you might considering sharing with us? For future consideration, of course!" 

And with that he cut the channel, not trusting himself or his temper to rage at her. "Sir, they're hailing us," Gerron informed him quietly. 

"Well, you can talk to them if you like, I don't have anything to say right now," Chakotay said as he left the bridge. Gerron looked to Torres who shrugged. 

"Don't look at me! I'm not in charge around here." 

***** 

Chakotay noticed the slight change in atmosphere when he beamed over to Voyager the following morning for the briefing. Of course, the Starfleet crew had never been particularly warm and friendly towards him, but they seemed even more aloof than usual. Or maybe it was just his mood. 

He'd brought Torres with him because they were going to discuss an engineering problem on Fides. It was about time that the Voyager engineering crew reciprocated some help. Just before beaming over Chakotay had sternly lectured Torres against the wisdom of beating up any Voyager officers and now she was sullen and quiet by his side. 

He really didn't have any allies today. 

The conference room was nearly filled with the Voyager senior staff and the two Delta Quadrant natives, Neelix and Kes. Kes flashed a warm smile to Chakotay and B'Elanna when they entered and Chakotay felt his bad mood thaw slightly at the sight. It was nice that not everyone was glaring. 

He gave Torres the last of the chairs and stood behind her, with his arms crossed. Janeway looked at him a long moment before beginning her meeting. She went around the table to all the department heads, including Kes and Neelix, but pointedly skipping over the two Maquis. She was just about to call the meeting to an end and neither of them had spoken. Torres twisted her neck around to look up at Chakotay, her face a question. 

"Any further business?" asked Janeway. 

"Yes," said Chakotay softly. "Yes,  _we_ have some business. I'm sorry it didn't make it onto the agenda, but well ... we're just out of the loop." 

Most of the other senior staff members looked down at the table. Tom Paris began to very carefully examine something on his PADD. Harry looked like he wanted to sink through the floor. Only Janeway and Tuvok met Chakotay's gaze. Janeway gave a little sigh. 

"Yes Commander?" 

Chakotay looked down at Torres, granting her the floor. B'Elanna twisted back around to look at the other faces around the table. She swallowed. 

"Well, uh ..."   


"Yes what is it Ms. Torres?" Janeway's tone didn't allow for nerves. 

"We could use some help in our engine room with a refit of the plasma flow converter," B'Elanna blurted out. 

Janeway looked to Carey who shook his head ever so slightly. 

"I'm sorry there's no one available. Anything else?" 

Torres snapped her mouth shut with annoyance and surprise. She hadn't been all that confident that Carey, the pig, would offer to help her, but Chakotay had pointed out that the Maquis engineers had provided help to Voyager on more than one occasion. 

Janeway was already dismissing the other officers who were beating a hasty retreat to the door. All but Chakotay and Torres. 

"Go ahead without me," Chakotay told B'Elanna. After Torres scooted out the door Chakotay placed his hand up against the wall, effectively blocking Janeway's exit. 

"What is this all about, Commander?" she asked him, her voice soft, but with the hard edge that it had held since the encounter with the Klee. 

"It's about communication, or lack thereof. It's about cooperation, or lack thereof. It's about a lot of lack thereof in our little agreement!" 

Janeway took a step back from the door and began to circle the table. She gazed out the portal to the stars; it gave her something to look at beside his unhappy face. 

"What is going on? You're not willing to share information, you're not willing to share personnel. What is going on?" he asked, trying not to show his frustration. He failed; it showed. 

"I ... " Janeway paused a moment. "I'm sorry about what happened with the Klee. That was a mistake." 

"It could have been a very costly mistake, Captain," he said. Janeway didn't like being told the obvious and she bristled. 

"I will make every effort to see that it doesn't happen again, Commander." 

"And engineering?" 

"Carey can't spare anyone," she said, with a tone that usually meant no arguing. It usually worked. But Chakotay, as he had once told her, was no longer a Starfleet officer, and her tone did not intimidate him. 

"That's bullshit. Captain, if you're going to lie to me, please choose something more believable." Janeway opened her mouth to hotly protest but Chakotay cut her off. 

"I thought this 'agreement' we had was in place so that we shared resources. Well, Fides has been sharing personnel ever since we scared the Kazon away from you. When are you going to return the favour?" 

"I don't know that you have much to complain about, Commander," she returned, sharply. "It seems to me that Voyager has been sharing food and energy reserves with Fides from day one." 

"I've had people over here helping in engineering nearly every day. I've had people helping Neelix in the Mess Hall every meal. But you're not willing to allow access to many more places on this ship!" 

"My people can handle the running of this ship without your help, thank you Commander. And your people haven't been as helpful as you think. In some cases, they've been more destructive than productive." 

" _My_ people,  _your_ people - when are they going to be  _our_ people?" he asked softly. She said nothing. Chakotay paced away from the door, but Janeway made no move to leave. She suspected he had more  to say. She was right. 

"You are using the Maquis as labour to pay for the resources you are allowing us to  _share_ with you. You know they're not Starfleet officers and yet you expect Starfleet protocols from them, Starfleet discipline, Starfleet procedure. You're not going to get it. Especially not if you keep treating them as second class citizens! There has to be some flexibility on the part of your crew. If you gave them half a chance, the Maquis would prove to you how resourceful they can be and how valuable." 

"Damn right I expect Starfleet protocols, this  _is_ a Starfleet ship! And I won't have two standards for these crews. Your 'help,' as you call it, has been sloppy, undisciplined, unreliable, and disrespectful. That is not acceptable. I have continued to allow it in order to justify the sharing of  _our_ limited supplies." 

"Captain Janeway," Chakotay sighed, "have you looked at a map of the galaxy recently? Starfleet is a long way away. The DMZ is a long way away. You and I are leaders of  _people_ . If we have any hope of bringing them together into some kind of workable unit we have to remember that." 

_"Tuvok to Captain Janeway. You are needed on the bridge."_

"On my way," Janeway acknowledged. She nodded curtly at Chakotay and moved towards the door. He didn't stop her this time. 

*****

"Chakotay! Hurry up or the conduit will overheat!"   


"Yes mother," muttered Chakotay, burning his fingers on the already hot conduit. He was working as  fast as he could. Maquis crew knew a little bit of this and a little bit of that because they always had to get by without the benefit of the best. But Chakotay's little bit of engineering was really a  _little_ bit. His forte was on the bridge, not inside the engine. 

He leaned his head down to wipe his cheeks on his sleave. Damn but it was getting hot in here! Behind him he could hear Torres snapping instructions at poor Chell, who'd also been roped into this job. Chakotay secretly suspected that Torres was taking a bit of revenge over not being able to have some Starfleet crew to boss around. It wasn't everyday that she was in charge of things. But when it came to the engine, Chakotay always stepped aside to her greater expertise. 

He didn't have the chance to ponder this much more because his conduit suddenly exploded, shooting an energy charge along his fingers and down his arms, throwing him away from the open panel with enough force to rattle his teeth. He lay on his back gasping for breath and trying to remember his name while Torres lept over to him. She managed to plug the leak and shout for medical equipment at the same time. 

Chakotay blinked and rubbed his face. He really didn't feel very well. 

"Chakotay? Chakotay? Do you want me to hail the big ship? Should we get you to the sickbay?" Now B'Elanna was leaning over him. He struggled to a sitting position, feeling dizzy and grumpy, but otherwise his normal self. These days his normal self was pretty grumpy anyway. 

"No, no, don't bother with that. Where's our medkit?" 

Chell appeared empty handed and shrugging his shoulders. 

"I think the medkit is in the Galley," he offered by way of explanation. 

"The Galley?" grumbled Chakotay with disbelief, coming to his feet unsteadily and with the help of B'Elanna. "Do you mean to tell me we only have ONE medkit on this ship and it's in the GALLEY?" 

Torres wisely decided not to answer him. She gave him a gentle shove in Chell's direction. 

"Here, Chell, take him to the galley and look after him. And send Dalby up here, I still need to get this finished." 

Chell reached out a steadying hand to Chakotay's arm and guided him out of engineering. 

Down in the galley, a few of the crew were seated, with Gerron cooking something that turned Chakotay's stomach by the smell. He half fell into the nearest seat while Chell dashed behind the counter to come up with the battered looking medkit. The others looked on with curiosity. 

"Dalby," Chakotay said, "get up to engineering. Torres needs a new assistant."   


"Should I take the medkit with me?" joked Dalby, but his smile died instantly at Chakotay's glare. He  exited quickly. 

Chell was sorting through the meagerly stocked kit for something he wasn't able to find. He finally stopped looking and lifted the medwand. 

"Isn't there anything in there for a headache?" asked Chakotay wearily, while Chell ran a medwand up and down the burns on his leader's arms. 

"Uh, no," Chell admitted, finished with the burns. 

Chakotay was no longer able to contain the frustration that had been building since the encounter with the Klee. He let loose a series of curses, some of them Klingon, so violently that Chell retreated a few steps. Gerron ducked down to check his food preparation, as though afraid Chakotay might start throwing things across the room. 

"You!" Chakotay pointed at Chell, who looked behind him just to be sure it was him being singled out. "Get over to Voyager and get us some medical supplies. It is ridiculous that we only have one kit on board. B'Elanna needs something in engineering for emergencies." 

"Voyager?" Chell asked, clarifying the orders. 

Chakotay stood, wavering a bit but still intimidating. He brought a hand to his temple. Oh man, did his head hurt! 

"Yes! Voyager!" he snapped. "We have an agreement that provides for the sharing of supplies, including  _medical_ supplies. Just make sure that whatever you bring back includes something for this headache!" 

"Yes sir," Chell acknowledged, backing out of the Galley and running down the corridor. 

***** 

Janeway paced in her ready room. She was reading a report from Carey about the state of the engines, but she was filled with excess energy and couldn't stay seated at her desk. She picked up her coffee cup and walked around the room once more. Suddenly she stopped, in the middle of the room, cup in one hand, PADD in the other, staring at a blank spot on the wall. 

It had just occurred to her why she was feeling so off-kilter.  'He's right, Kathryn,' that nagging little voice inside her brain said. 'And you know it.' 

***** 

Chell hailed Voyager asking for permission to board. When he materialized on the transporter pad of the big ship, he found Ensign Vorik staring passively at him. 

"Could you point me in the direction of sickbay?" he requested of the Vulcan. 

"Certainly, deck 5. Are you ill?" inquired Vorik. 

"I will be if I don't get to sickbay," muttered Chell, leaving Vorik to raise an eyebrow after him. 

Voyager's sickbay was clean, large, and empty. Chell wandered cautiously around, poking his head into the Doctor's office before calling out, 

"Hello? Doc? Anyone around?" 

He stood in the centre of the room, perplexed and uncertain. He didn't really want to just start ransacking the medical supplies, especially without a Doctor, or other medical personnel to inform. Chell only had to think of Chakotay's darkened face to find his motivation. He began to gather some equipment together. 

Lieutenant Baxter entered sickbay, limping slightly from an old sports injury he'd just aggravated on the holodeck. Not seeing the Holodoctor right away, he commanded the computer to activate the EMH program. 

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," ordered the EMH as soon as he'd shimmered into view. 

Chell, in the corner, felt his jaw drop almost to the floor with amazement. He dropped the container he was holding with a loud clatter. Both Baxter and the Doctor turned toward the noise. 

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?" asked Baxter, charging forward, forgetting his sore knee. He gasped when the pain went shooting up and down his leg again, which brought the Doctor's attention over to him. 

"We needed some medical supplies," Chell offered as an explanation for his presence. He bent down to pick up his lost container. 

"So you just come in here and  _steal_ whatever you like? That's not the way we operate around here!" "Lieutenant, please sit up on the bed," commanded the EMH, seemingly oblivious to Chell's shopping  trip. The hologram was certainly not aware of the tension beginning to mount between the two men. 

"I'm not stealing!" protested Chell hotly. "We share resources remember. That includes medical supplies. Chakotay sent me over here." 

"Lieutenant Baxter to Lieutenant Tuvok!" Baxter hit his comm badge while the EMH tried again to steer him over to one of the diagnostic beds. 

****** 

Chakotay's mood had not improved by the time he entered the sickbay. His headache was still pounding and he found the brightness of the medical facility harsh on his eyes. 

He'd thought he might sleep a little, hoping that would take the pain away, but found himself interrupted at every turn on his way to his quarters. Before he'd made it all the way, Voyager was hailing him to come explain some altercation between one of his crew and a Starfleet officer in sickbay. Chell! What the hell had happened? If it had been Dalby or Jackson or even Kurt, Chakotay wouldn't have been surprised. But Chell was one of the least offensive members of his crew. 

Tuvok was standing with the holographic doctor, two beacons of calmness in an otherwise hostile environment. Lieutenant Baxter was red in the face he was so angry and Chell's shade of blue seemed a little darker than normal. The two of them were shouting at one another. 

Tuvok was making another attempt to intervene when Chakotay bellowed,  "STOW IT!" 

His presence, his volume, shocked the aggressors into a momentary silence. 

"Chell, what happened?" Chakotay asked, with a more reasonable tone. Chell opened his mouth to explain but Baxter rudely interrupted. 

"Don't think that sending one of your accomplices over to do the stealing lets you off the hook Maquis!" he spat out. 

Chakotay's eyes narrowed. He did not suffer fools gladly on the best of days, and he was not having one of those at this particular moment. However, he was not able to respond to Baxter's words before Chell, at the end of his patience, launched himself onto the Starfleet man. The Bolian had the weight advantage and the two went crashing to the ground, all their built up aggression exploding in violence. 

"CHELL!" roared Chakotay just as Tuvok stepped forward. "LIEUTENANT!" 

When Tuvok decided to raise his voice it was an impressive display. Even Chakotay was thrown by the sound. They each grabbed hold of their men, pulling them apart roughly. Chakotay resisted the urge to shake Chell for his actions. 

The room was quiet for a moment. 

"Well," said the EMH, clearly at a loss. 

"Chell was sent here by  _me_ to get some medical supplies that we need on Fides," Chakotay explained to Tuvok and Baxter. Tuvok stared impassively at Chakotay, but Baxter was glaring daggers at Chell. This wasn't over, yet, not by a long shot. 

"There are procedures for the transfer of supplies that were clearly not followed by Mr. Chell," Tuvok stated disapprovingly. 

"Lieutenant, I want to press charges," Baxter said. Chell scoffed but Chakotay reached out a strong arm to prevent him from moving any closer to the angry lieutenant. 

"Don't be crazy Tuvok," Chakotay told him, with a warning tone. "Don't make this out to be more than it is. He came over here on my orders, to get some items for our  _medkit_ for crying out loud! Let's keep some perspective here." 

"Lieutenant Baxter has the right to file a complaint against Mr. Chell." 

Tuvok and Chakotay glared at each other. For a moment Baxter and Chell seemed to forget their own animosity as they watched their superiors. How close Chakotay came to striking Tuvok no one knew but Chakotay. In the end he roughly shoved Chell towards the door. They had to get off this ship before something else happened. 

"Let's go," he said harshly, and, turning back to Tuvok, "Let him file a complaint. Yes, let's take this up with the captain and she how she feels about the conduct of her officers. Take a good look at your own glass house before picking up those stones Tuvok." 

It wasn't until they'd reached Fides and Chakotay was again walking towards his quarters that he realized he still hadn't gotten anything to help his headache. 

*****

"What do you mean you can't find him?" asked Janeway, a bit impatiently. "Where is he?" 

'Cut some slack Kathryn,' she scolded herself, 'it's not a Starfleet ship.' They were bitter words she'd had to tell herself too often. 

"I can't find him," repeated Suder with eerie calmness. "He was in engineering but he's not anymore. I think he might be aboard Voyager. I believe Lieutenant Tuvok contacted him earlier." 

Janeway thanked the man shortly and cut the link, hitting her comm badge in the same motion. "Janeway to Tuvok. Is Commander Chakotay with you?"   


"Tuvok here. No Captain. The commander returned to his own ship a short time ago."   


'Too bad they didn't know that,' thought Janeway, unkindly. 

"What was he doing here anyway?" she asked Tuvok, suddenly curious. Chakotay hadn't been in a good mood earlier and he generally didn't come aboard Voyager unless he had a very good reason ... "What's happened?" 

"I will be providing you with a full report shortly Captain. Would you prefer a verbal one now?" 

Janeway felt a sinking feeling. Something that required a report. Something that required Chakotay's presence on the ship, and a report. Damn! 

"No, I'll wait, thank you Tuvok." 

***** 

"Anyone seen the old man lately?" Torres asked wearily of the bridge crew. She got a few strange looks. "What did I say?" 

"Nothing much. But the Capt'n has been hailing Chakotay all day and he's not to be found," Kurt told her. "And after what happened with Chell, I don't think anyone  _wants_ to find him!" 

"Why? What happened?" Torres asked sharply. It had been a long day for her as well. 

"Some hotshot Starfleet officer took offense to Chell's method of gathering supplies. Chell decked him. From what I gather our Chell-y is lucky he's not sitting in the big ol' brig right now." 

"What kind of supplies?" Torres suddenly remembered the last time she'd seen Chakotay and Chell. "Medical?" 

Kurt nodded. Torres was quiet, mulling over this information. She idly flicked her fingers over the sensor controls, more from nerves than the desire to read the output. 

"Is Chakotay alright? He was hurt in engineering earlier. Did he see the doctor on Voyager?" 

"B'Elanna, no one has seen him since he came back with Chell earlier. We're not disturbing him. Certainly not for the hail of that captain!" Kurt said. Suder nodded his agreement. Torres pounded a fist on the console, not lightly either. 

"You idiots! You mean, no one has checked to see if he's alright? Did they even get the medical supplies?" 

Both men looked away uncomfortably. Torres leaned over Suder to hail Voyager. The young serious face of Harry Kim soon peered back at her. 

"Harry!" She was glad he was at Ops. He was one of the few Starfleet officers who didn't seem to hold a grudge against the crew of Fides for being Maquis. 

"B'Elanna, what can I do for you?" he asked with a smile. 

"I need a favour." Torres smiled back in her most coaxing way. It was not a natural position for her. "Can you get someone to stock a standard medkit and meet me in the transporter room?" 

"You know about Lieutenant Baxter and Chell then?" Harry asked, his voice low. B'Elanna nodded. 

"But Harry, we really need something over here. We don't have much ..." She hated to beg like this. Harry made it easy for her by cutting her off. 

"Not a problem. Consider it done." 

***** 

Gripping the medkit tightly Torres made her way swiftly to Chakotay's quarters. There was no answer to her chime, so she opened the door on her own. It was dark in the tiny room, the only illumation seeping in around her body in the doorway. 

"Don't even  _think_ about turning on the light, Bendera!" came a hoarse whisper from the direction of the lower bunk. 

"It's B'Elanna," she corrected him, stepping inside so that the door closed, blocking off the light from the corridor. 

Torres didn't need a light to find her way around the cabin. It was identical to the one she shared with Seska - indeed, identical to all the crew quarters on Fides - the only difference being that the bunks were on the opposite wall. She'd even spent a few nights in here, crashing on the lower bunk when Seska and Chakotay had requested some privacy. That hadn't happened often, and it hadn't happened for a long time now. 

She knelt by the bunk and opened the case. Chakotay was sprawled on his back, with an arm up over his eyes to block out the light. 

"I brought you something for that headache," she told him softly and was rewarded with some incoherent mumbling. She administered the hypospray first and then pulled out the tricorder to see if there was something besides a migraine at work here. "It's ok, everything is going to be ok," she found herself saying, although she couldn't be sure who she was trying to reassure, Chakotay or herself. 

He was so passive that she thought the pain killers might have knocked him right out, but when she closed the tricorder his hand reached out to grip her arm loosely. 

"The others ..."   


She leaned in close to him to catch the words. 

"What about the others?" she asked. He was silent again. "What about the others, Chakotay?" she raised her voice slightly. 

"Foolish. They're ... not seeing it ... proper ... properly. Foolish ... Keep faith ... keep faith with Janeway ... " 

"Of course you'll keep faith with her," Torres said, but his grip tightened a bit with her words. "No! The ... them. They ... have to see ... only way home. It's the only ... way home ..." 

"Shhh, now," Torres soothed, stroking his arm with comfort. "Try to sleep. You'll feel better when your headache is gone." 

She wasn't sure he heard her. His fingers fell away from her arm as his hand became limp. She laid a cool hand on his forehead, wondering if he was feverish. 

Gathering up the tricorder and kit, Torres exited quietly and headed for the bridge. She was greatly disturbed by Chakotay's mumblings. If she was understanding his meaning correctly, he was telling her to make sure the others kept the alliance with Janeway. There was only one reason why he would feel the need to say that to her and that was if he didn't expect to be around to keep faith himself. 

"Harry?" Torres was again glad of her friend's presence at Ops. When had she started thinking of Harry as a friend? She felt absurdly like crying. "Can you put me through to sickbay? I need to talk with the EMH." 

Harry didn't bother asking anything silly like "is everything alright" when it was so obvious that something was up. Torres slumped in the seat while the EMH was activated. She told him that she was sending over some readings from the medical tricorder because she felt that Chakotay may be in need of medical attention. 

The EMH frowned while absorbing the data she transmitted to him. But he did not hesitate with his analysis. 

"Bring him over here immediately, Ms. Torres!" 

***** 

Janeway sat in her chair on the bridge long past the time when her shift would be over. She was completely unaware with how nervous she was making the Beta Shift. Tapping her console lightly to call up ship's status she read the reports over and over without registering a word. 

He was ignoring her. He was avoiding her. She couldn't believe he'd play such childish games! While earlier she'd given him some leeway, thinking that a bit of time after their disagreement this morning would be a good thing, now she was just plain peeved. How dare he not respond to her hails?! 

Her fingers idly called up Tuvok's report and her frown soured even more. Yet again a member of Chakotay's crew had attacked one of hers and yet again there had been no repercussions. Janeway also couldn't deny the implication of Tuvok's words that perhaps there had been some provocation on the part of Lieutenant Baxter. Yet again. She hated this situation; it made her feel out of control. 

Inactivity was making her even more agitated. She stood abruptly, startling nearly everyone. 

"Harry," she said as she climbed the stairs towards the turbolift, "hail Fides and tell them I'm requesting permission to board. If they can't find their captain then I will!" 

She didn't wait for Harry's acknowledgement before allowing the lift doors to close.  Janeway hadn't quite made it to the transporter room when Harry hailed her with the news.   


"Captain, Commander Chakotay was beamed aboard Voyager a short time ago and is in sickbay now." 

"Thank you Mr. Kim," acknowledged Janeway, changing her direction to go to the sickbay. She wondered if this was a continuation of the supply problem that had caused such a fuss earlier in the day. She set her jaw in anger. 

It occurred to her just as she stepped off the turbolift and charged down the hall towards sickbay. Harry had said he "was beamed aboard" not that he "beamed aboard." What was with that? 

Entering the medical facility Janeway's first sight was of Tuvok and Torres talking with Kes. The EMH was across the room, working near a biobed. Torres looked very upset. 

"What's going on?" asked Janeway, although in her current mood it came out sounding more like a demand. 

There was a slight hesitation while Tuvok and Kes juggled the responsibility of telling the captain between them. Finally Kes spoke up. 

"Commander Chakotay is very ill," she told Janeway. 

"What's wrong with him?" asked Janeway bluntly. The Doctor, snapping his tricorder shut, walked over to the group. 

"The commander suffered an injury this morning while working in engineering on Fides. He received a severe shock, one which has caused some damage to his cerebral cortex. It is unfortunate that he didn't come for treatment immediately." 

Torres looked at her boots. She feels guilty Janeway realized. Because engineering is her responsibility? Or because she hadn't insisted Chakotay receive medical treatment? 

"What was he doing in engineering?" Janeway wondered out loud, knowing, even as she spoke the words. Torres's head snapped up to fix Janeway with as cold a look as she'd ever seen. The captain held the younger woman's gaze steadily though, and eventually Torres looked back at the floor. Janeway returned her attention to the Doctor. 

"When do you expect him to recover?" 

There was an uncomfortable silence. The Doctor blinked while his processors reviewed the statements he'd made on Commander Chakotay's condition. He came to the conclusion that he hadn't been clear enough. 

"I don't know that I do expect him to recover, Captain. His condition is very serious. It is likely he will die." Satisfied that he'd spelled it out in very clear terms, the Doctor turned to his computer console and began a more detailed breakdown, in medical terms, of the commander's situation. But he'd lost his audience before he'd begun. Only Kes understood more than two or three words. 

"How is this possible?" demanded Janeway, not believing the situation. "He was right here in sickbay earlier! How could you let him leave if his injury was so severe?" 

The Doctor frowned, remembering the unfortunate incident that morning. 

"When I saw him earlier, I was not aware that he was suffering. Commander Chakotay's role was more of a policman, than a patient." Proud of himself for the use of metaphor the Doctor smiled. It quickly turned grim when he took in the expressions of the others. Kes was obviously wrong; there was no use cultivating any kind of rapport with these people! 

***** 

Torres walked over to the communications console in sickbay and hailed Fides. She needed something from the Maquis ship but there was no way she was leaving Chakotay alone on the Federation vessel while he was so vulnerable. That was not a word B'Elanna would normally have chosen for Chakotay, but she'd never seen him so ill before. 

Carlson answered her hail.   


"How's the old man?"   


"Get me Kurt," Torres said shortly, by way of response.   


"He's not here," Carlson told her.   


"Well then  _find_ him!" snapped Torres. "This is important."   


"Do you want me to get him to hail you?" asked Carlson, bristling under her tone. 

"No. I want you to find him and get him online so I can speak to him. Keep the channel open." Torres ground her teeth a little with impatience. Carlson decided arguing with her was probably not good for anyone's health, so he switched to internal communications and sent a page to Kurt. 

Torres didn't have to wait that long for Bendera to get to the channel. Everyone on Fides was aware that Torres had taken Chakotay over to Voyager's sickbay and there was a quiet air of worry for their leader. 

"Hey Torres," Kurt tried to sound casual, but didn't really pull it off. His concerned eyes peered out at B'Elanna on the small console. 

"Do you know where Chakotay keeps his medicine wheel?" she asked him. Kurt blinked a few times, thinking. 

"No. But I'm sure I could find it."   


"Bring it over here," Torres said. Kurt hesitated. 

"Is it that bad then?" he asked, like he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer. Torres bit her lower lip and just nodded. "I'll be right over then." 

***** 

Tuvok sat in the Doctor's chair while Janeway paced in front of the desk. She paused a moment to look out the glass window into the main area of sickbay. Torres had installed herself on a chair by Chakotay's bed and was currently undergoing some kind of ritual for him. The Doctor stood by, monitoring his patient and observing Torres. Kes had left. 

"This is my fault," Janeway said, wrapping her arms around herself. She felt cold all of a sudden. 

"Captain, you are not responsible for the health of Commander Chakotay," Tuvok admonished. 

"No, if I'd only let an engineer go over there, then he wouldn't have been working in engineering, he wouldn't have been hurt." 

"There is nothing to say that the accident might not have still occurred, resulting in the injury or death of one of our engineering staff," Tuvok pointed out. 

Janeway shook her head. 

"Maybe. But if it had, you can be sure that medical attention would have been sought and given immediately." She began to pace once more. 

"I fail to see the logic in blaming yourself, Captain. Commander Chakotay is fully capable of taking the burden of his own well-being onto himself. It was his decision not to seek medical aid, not yours." 

"Oh but we made it so easy for him, didn't we!" She whirled on Tuvok, suddenly needing to vent all her frustration. "We made him so welcome that he would not find it difficult to use our medical facilities, didn't we?! Didn't we?! 

"Captain ..." Tuvok began.   


"Oh no, instead we have to have such a hostile relationship that he tried to heal himself with his  limited equipment!" she interrupted. "And when that wasn't adequate his attempts to gain proper aid exploded into another altercation between our crews. If only Chell had been able to get the supplies without a fight. If only Chakotay had consulted with the Doctor. If only he'd come to the damn sickbay right after it happened!" 

"This speculation and wishful thinking serves no purpose." Tuvok was disapproving. Janeway sighed, facing him. 

"Do you hate him so much that you have no reaction to what's happened to him?" she asked. 

"I have no feeling of animosity towards the commander," Tuvok stated. Vulcan or no, she couldn't quite believe him. Janeway turned to look back out the window. 

"He annoys me," she admitted. "He  _frustrates_ me. He ... he challenges me. But I don't hate him the way I thought I did. I ... I can't somehow." 

"It is always easier to feel negatively about that which we do not know," Tuvok observed. 

"When you were with the Maquis, were you ever afraid, Tuvok?" she asked. They hadn't really spoken much about his experiences while spying on Chakotay's cell. It was all in carefully constructed reports that she'd read, but that wasn't the same as talking about it. 

"Although I cannot feel fear, there were occasions when I was a little uncertain about the continuation of my life," said Tuvok, after a pause for thought. 

Janeway sat in the chair opposite him.   


"Were you ever afraid of Chakotay?"   


"No," he admitted, honestly, "I never had cause for concern from him."   


"He scares me sometimes," Janeway said softly. Tuvok doubted she meant to say the words aloud. 

Janeway was thinking of what scared her about Chakotay. It wasn't his physical presence, because she'd never felt that he would hurt her. It wasn't that he commanded a group of people who would as soon shoot her as take an order from her. It was some of the things he said, some of the beliefs he held. This morning he'd implied that they should leave behind ideology and allegiance to Alpha Quadrant principles in order to meld the crews together. 

" _Your_ people,  _my_ people - when are they going to become  _our_ people?" he'd asked her. 

That tiny nagging feeling that he was right had been eating away at her since their disagreement. She'd been trying to talk to him all day and now it might be too late. If she could speak to him now, what would she say? You were right; I was wrong ... Janeway somehow doubted those would be the first words out of her mouth. But she did wish, more than anything, that she had the chance to have that  conversation with him. And maybe she would apologise for not trying harder, for not being more flexible, for being ... afraid of some of the ideas he suggested. Right after she told him he was an idiot for not seeing the Doctor promptly. 

"Captain, I don't think I need to point out that this situation is potentially volatile. Commander Chakotay's death will almost certainly bring about the end of our shaky alliance with the Maquis. There is no clear second in command on Fides and many of his crew are only cooperating now because of his direct influence. With that influence removed ..." 

"I'm aware of the situation, thank you Tuvok," Janeway said harshly. 

"Then we should make some preparations. Access to engineering should be restricted to Starfleet personnel only ..." 

"Tuvok! Let's not bury him while he's still breathing!" 

***** 

The EMH watched as Torres placed the last stone on the medicine wheel. He somehow managed to maintain an air of distain and curiosity. Torres tried to ignore hime. 

She hoped that she remembered all the right words and had done it in the proper order. She'd only ever seen the wheel one other time. It had been the only time, in fact, that she'd ever seen Chakotay get sick. Without the access to a medical facility he, and many of the crew, had suffered through a serious bronchial infection that had raged on one of their outposts. B'Elanna had not become infected, most likely due to the benefit of Klingon DNA. Well, it had to be good for something. 

After he'd recovered Chakotay had shown B'Elanna the wheel and explained its significance to her. In doing so, he'd made an unspoken request that she perform this ritual for him, if he was in need. Torres had never expected him to be in need. But then, until very recently, she'd expected their deaths to come in the heat of battle, most likely at the hand of a Cardassian warship. 

Kurt hadn't stayed on Voyager. He had handed her the wheel, knowing the situation without needing to ask the Doctor for an update. As Torres's cold fingers wrapped around the animal skin she felt Kurt's hand giving her a reassuring squeeze. 

"The others," he started, then hesitated.   


Torres looked sharply at him, remembering Chakotay's mumbling.   


"Don't be foolish!" she hissed, using her friend's word. Kurt shrugged impassively.   


"We have to be prepared for anything," he told her.   


"You listen to me!" Torres leaned in close, her neck tilted high to look up into his face. "Chakotay  spoke to me and his last words were that we  _have_ to keep faith with Janeway and her crew if we want to ever get home." 

Without moving his body, Kurt's eyes flashed over to his friend on the biobed. He believed Torres. It would be something Chakotay would stew about, even while nearing death's door. 

"I don't know what they're saying over there but I can guess," continued Torres. "You get back there and smack some sense into them if you have to but  _make_ them understand." 

"I think you've highly overestimated my abilities," were Kurt's parting words. 

Now, finished with the ritual, Torres sat back in her chair. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable under the gaze of the EMH. 

"It's a traditional healing ceremony from Chakotay's tribe," she offered by way of explanation. The disdain was evident on the hologram's face, tempered now with some disapproval. 

"Your confidence in my abilities is overwhelming," he muttered sarcastically.   


"That isn't it at all!" protested Torres angrily. "Oh never mind. How could  _you_ understand anyway." 

"You have created a map for his spirit to find its way back to him," the Doctor surprised her by saying. "I sincerely hope that your directions are clear." 

He turned to go back to his computer console but stopped with he heard B'Elanna's small cry of astonishment. 

"How did you know about the spirits?" she asked. 

"I have been programmed with the medical treatments of a number of Federation worlds, including the tribal culture from Mr. Chakotay's colony. It is a fascinating ritual, with absolutely no scientific merit. However, it has been documented that faith can be equally important as science when it comes to healing the body." His tone indicated that he didn't really believe the documentation fully. 

Janeway stepped out of the Doctor's office where she had been conferring with Tuvok. She came to stand by the biobed and looked at the wheel with interest. Torres offered no explanation. 

"How little I know you, Commander," she murmured sadly. She noticed Torres was hovering protectively near Chakotay. Now the younger woman looked up at the captain cautiously. Janeway tried for a smile. She and Torres hadn't gotten started on a good note but she had seen enough of the engineer's work to appreciate her talent. "How little we know one another, Ms. Torres." 

"I would have thought your intelligence reports would be filled with information, Captain," Torres said, bitterly. 

"They are," admitted Janeway. "But that doesn't mean that I know anything about Chakotay as a person, as a human being. Crimes, contacts, evidence for the prosecution - it doesn't tell me about this." She gestured at the wheel. "It doesn't tell me about his ability to refit the plasma converter. It doesn't explain what he did to earn such fierce, protective loyalty from his crew." 

"He kept us alive," Torres whispered, her eyes downcast again. 

***** 

Janeway had left the sickbay after half-listening, half-hearing but not understanding the EMH's plans for some kind of treatment. B'Elanna Torres remained at her vigil, dozing in the chair by the bed, an unhappy expression on her dark features. 

Janeway walked with Tuvok as she cautiously agreed to some security measures so that the Maquis could not board the ship should Commander Chakotay die. But the captain stressed that she wanted it kept very low key, very subtle. Chakotay's crew had done nothing so far that could be considered threatening, and they were a volatile bunch who would likely take offense to Tuvok's overzealous plans. 

Checking with the bridge to see that all was well on that front Janeway had then gone to her quarters for some much needed sleep. However, she was only kidding herself by pretending. Sleep eluded her. 

Here in the darkness of her own private space, Kathryn Janeway could admit her fears to herself and take a good look at her position. She was in a pickle, there was no denying that. She rolled onto her right side. 

The Maquis, save for Torres, were all on Fides, no one had come over to Voyager since Kurt Bendera had brought the Medicine Wheel. Was that because they were planning something? Were they plotting a course of action to take Voyager when - no  _if_ \- Chakotay died? Or were they just withdrawing into themselves for comfort in a time of crisis? She'd seen them with Chakotay. They were a close bunch. 

She rolled onto her left side. 

When - no  _if_ \- Chakotay died, what was that going to mean for their alliance? Even if the Maquis didn't attack Voyager, they might not stick around. Would that be so bad? Janeway hated to admit to anyone, even to herself here in the dark, but they were a useful bunch to have around, especially for defense. She hadn't mentioned that to Chakotay this morning when they'd fought. She should have. She should have said, yes you guys are whizzes in engineering and man can you pack a lot into a small punch in a fight but ... but do you have to be so disagreeable? Do you have to be so prickly? So IRRITATING? The whole lot of them were like rebellious teenagers trying to prove something to their parents. No point in worrying about words she hadn't spoken. Better yet to stew about those she had. 

She rolled onto her back. 

The truth was Janeway didn't think that the alliance would last without Chakotay. In her view, he was the only one of the Maquis who had enough sense to see what they were gaining from it. It bothered her that so much was so dependent on one person. One person that wasn't her! 

She twisted around so that her legs flopped on her right side, but she was still mostly on her back. 

If she was being completely honest, and what other time could she be completely honest except here in the dark, to herself, then she had to admit that Chakotay was the only one of the Maquis that she knew very well. She knew some others by name, and others, like Torres, by their work. A few she knew from their sullen attitude. But she was aware that there were many she didn't recognize right away. Even Chakotay was a big mystery to her. Like that ritual Torres performed for him today. What was the significance of that? And his tattoo? Did it have some kind of "tribal" meaning, or was it merely decorative? How could it be that she'd been working with this man all this time and she still knew so little about him? Did he lie awake at night, in the dark, admitting his fears to himself? Did he have fears? 

She grabbed one of her pillows and held it against her chest wishing it could hug her back. 

Security measures aside, the worries about the Maquis' intentions pushed away, regret over words spoken and unspoken acknowledged, Janeway faced the final truth in the early hours of the day. Chakotay's death would hurt her in a very personal way. 

***** 

Before breakfast Janeway entered sickbay to check on the Maquis commander. She had assumed no news was good news, since the EMH had not informed her of any change in his condition. She had not slept well at all, and it showed in her tired eyes and anxious frown. 

The Doctor, looking as fresh as one who had slept like a log despite having worked all night, greeted her with a smile. 

"Ah, Captain, I'm glad you're here." 

"Report Doctor," Janeway said wearily, noting that Torres had curled up on another one of the beds and was fast asleep. 

"I have good news, Captain!" The Doctor was fairly bursting with pride. "It hit me around oh-three- hundred this morning, and I can't imagine why I hadn't thought of it before, but it was so brilliant a plan that I suppose I ... " 

"Doctor!" snapped Janeway, fatigue making her patience negligible. "Please just tell me what happened!" 

"I now have reason to believe the commander will recover," the Doctor said simply, her tone  completely deflating his ego. These people really had no appreciation for his genius. 

***** 

The first thing Chakotay saw when he opened his eyes was Torres, her young eyes wide and scared. Then she smiled at him. He tried to smile back. Maybe he succeeded. He was so tired! The EMH program was babbling on about something but Chakotay was having a hard time understanding the words. It was like they were all running together at high speed. Or maybe it was just that his brain was processing at a slower rate than normal. 

Out of his peripheral vision he caught a glimpse of his Medicine Wheel. Torres must have brought it from Fides and hung it her. He looked back at her. 

"Thanks," he whispered, hoarsely. She nodded. 

The Doctor, realizing that Chakotay wasn't a captive audience, gave a sniff of disgust. Then Chakotay heard another voice, and this time the words were coming through clearly. 

"Come now Doctor, how do you know that the Medicine Wheel isn't responsible for Commander Chakotay's good health?" 

Captain Janeway. What was she doing down in sickbay? 

"The commander may thank  _me_ for having the foresight to put together a treatment that is nothing short of brilliant," the Doctor stated haughtily. 

"Thanks," he whispered again, trying to be agreeable, even if he placed great faith in the wheel. 

Janeway came into his view then and looked down at him with sad eyes. She laid a hand on his bare shoulder, her warmth only accentuating the fact that he felt cold. 

"Commander, I'm very pleased to see you awake. We've all been very worried about you. And there's something I want to say to you." 

"What's that?" he asked, blinking to focus better. 

"You're an idiot!" She brought out her best no-nonsense command voice. "If you  _ever_ pull some kind of crazy stunt like this again  _I'll_ give you some brain damage the EMH  _won't_ be able to brilliantly cure! When you get hurt around here, you see the Doctor! Is that understood?" 

"Yes ma'am," answered Chakotay, a bit dazed by the force of her words. 

"Good." She smiled to soften the tone. Then she added, as if an afterthought, "Oh and one other thing ... you were right. We need to look at our crews as people, and not opposing factions. I hope you can help me work on that. Now get some rest." 

Stunned, Chakotay said nothing as the captain walked away. Torres wrinkled her forehead with a perplexed look. 

"What was that all about?" she asked him. 

"I think that means you'll be getting some help in engineering," he told her. "And it won't be me," he added. 


End file.
